Nursing

Here lately I have been really questioning whether or not I want to continue nursing school.  I feel that being a mother is definitely my calling.  BUT, I want to be a nurse for so many reasons.  I want to make a difference in someone's life.  I want to take care of people, and nurture them and help them grow, get well, or even pass on peacefully.  I want someone to say, "Hey! That nurse of mine really took good care of me".  However, working in dietary and now working the position that I do (Hospitality Associate), I have direct patient interaction.  I serve everyone their meals, and if they need help, I open things or assist (only to a small degree) with helping them get situated and making sure they are comfortable for their meal.  Anyhow, I met a man that had been given three weeks to live.  You start to become somewhat close to these people as you find out more and more about them as the time passes.  And I can say that you definitely learn a lot from a patient, especially if you stop to see life through their eyes.  Each and every person I take care of, I try to put myself in their shoes.  I try to help them, the way I would want to be helped if I were in their situation. 
     Anyhow, so I got used to this man.  He is what we call a "frequent flyer". He had been there many times before.  When I got the news that he wasn't going to be here much longer, I knew right then that I wanted to do everything I could to make EVERY MOMENT that he had to be stuck there, the VERY BEST that it could be.  So if I was working, I was going to do what it took to make him as happy as I could.  The sad part about my job is that I don't know what happens to people after they are discharged home or to a nursing facility, or hospice etc.  But I had a moment alone in the room with that man and we had been talking throughout the few days I had taken care of him, but the last night I saw him he told me he was going home.  I looked at him, eyebrow raised.  He told me they were going to let him go.  I told him I was gonna miss giving him a hard time about how much he was eating for such a skinny guy and he laughed and he said to me, "You never know, maybe I'll see you again on the streets someday."  I knew darn well that this was most likely not going to happen, but I shook my head and agreed.  I walked out of there and haven't heard a thing of him since.  I know that he is probably at this point doing poorly.  For some reason this guy toched me in a way that made me so happy that even though I"m not a nurse, I could help him in different ways.  He was always excited to see me when I brought food, because food usually is the best part of a patients' stay.  It breaks my heart to think that he might not be here on this Earth anymore.  BUT I'm okay with knowing that for whatever reason, we were supposed to meet and know each other.  He is the type of person that I WANT to be a nurse for! 
     However, there was a patient that was a DNR.  They were having a hard time breathing but they declined rapidly just in that hour that I brought their dinner and then cleared their tray.  I was so worried about them.  They were struggling to breath and grasping at the air and writhing in their bed.  They had oxygen on, they were being taken care of so well.  The nurses were on top of checking them too, but there was only so much they could do, due to respecting their wishes.  It killed me to know that this person was suffering, and that was the way they wanted it.  They wanted no medical intervention whatsoever.  And of course there is nothing you can do about it, so for the first time ever, I got scared.  I just wanted to run away.  The look in this person's eyes scared me to my soul.  I just didn't want to have to think that someone had to suffer.  Or that this was how it had to be.  I felt like someone should be there.  And what stinks the most about it all is that there are so many people that don't have family, or no one wants to be there when they are in the hospital.  But the minute that that person passes away there are droves of them.  I mean come on, you didn't care to come visit once when the person was alive, but now that they are gone you want to make it a big scene?  Nurses can't sit down and just hang out next to a person, but there has to be a way or something that can be done that when a person is nearing the end that SOMEONE could be there.  I mean how awful!  I just don't know if I am cut out to be a nurse.  I mean honestly, I could handle someone messing themselves, or throwing up, hacking up phlem, blood, guts, etc.  But I am not sure I could handle suffering.  Death is part of life.  I'm not saying I like it, but I get it.  It's just something that no one can avoid.  But why suffering?  I pray to God that I never have to suffer, and even more than my children and family never have to suffer.  My prefferred area of nursing that I want to focus on is OB, Labor & Delivery...Something/Anything to do with maternal and/or baby care.  But I want so bad to make a difference in peoples lives that are suffering.  I feel like I need to save them all and of course thats not going to happen.  It's not even rational.  I don't know why I felt like typing all this out.  A lot of people most likely wont want to read this.  BUT I had to get it off my chest and hey, Blogger is a perfect place for it, right?  I have a lot of nurse friends on FB, so what do you guys think?  What about the rest of you?  I just can't make up my mind whether I should continue nursing or not.  I just can't stand suffering.  :( 

Giggleface :)

     Yep.  I'm pretty sure that I couldn't be any happier than I am with our family photos.  They turned out great.  I hope everyone got a chance to see them.  These photos are by Chelsea Rittenhouse, and her business in "Giggleface Photography".  How could you not want to have your pictures taken by someone with a business name of Giggleface?  It's too sweet!  We had our pics taken on the 14th, and then not even a week later I had my photo disc in hand and a preview was up even before that!  I must have checked her blog for the preview of our shoot a million times, because I wasn't being very productive around the house...lol.  We went to Gene Stratton Porter for the shoot and ended up having a great time.  Ethan and Natalie spent a lot of time barefoot with their feet in the water and a natural spring there.  Their feet were filthy, but I loved that they were having so much fun!  Chad hates having his picture taken, but he even did really good!  Chelsea captured some of the sweetest photos of Chad with the kids.  Here are my favorites:

     I love how happy Chad was to have these photos done.  I think he had just as much fun as I did, although he would never admit it!   Here are my favorite photos: 

     I want to write more but I am sooo tired. So i'm headed off to bed, but I will follow up with more later. :)  Goodnight!

I'm So EXCITED!!!!!!!!!

I know it's been awhile since i've written, but here lately I have actually been finding a little bit more time in my evenings to sit down and spend a little quiet time as I wish.  (Yay!)  So, remember the old Pointer Sisters' song, "I'm So Excited"?  Well that's EXACTLY how I am right now!  I am so excited and I just can't hide it! Back when I had Ethan, I was SOOOO good about getting his photos taken...(Newborn, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 1 year, 18 months etc).  We even had a family picture taken at 18 months! Well then Miss Natalie came along, and I did pretty good until 2009.  I don't know if it was just time constraints, money at the time, or what exactly but I haven't followed up with photos.  Now Landon is 8 months old and I haven't gotten any professional photos of Landon, other than his birth photos.  And the funny thing of it all, is that all the pictures I got before, I "thought" were professional. I had no CLUE that photos could look as good as I know these will turn out!!!!  Chelsea Rittenhouse, "GiggleFace Photography" is our photographer.  I am so excited because these are going to be complete family portraits.  We haven't had any since DECEMBER of 2003!!!!!  That is soooo wrong! LOL.  Our shoot is set up for this Sunday, and I definitley decided that we are not going to match at all.  In fact, I don't even know what we are wearing yet, other than the fact that Landon is going to be wearing a super cute onesie that he got from his Aunt Meme...that was actually Jaxson's when he was little.  I loved it so much that I HAD TO HAVE IT!  Can't wait for you all to see it. :) 

     Things are going pretty good here at the Bailey household.  We are having an issue with our septic and it looks like we might be putting a new septic tank in....I'm praying that this problem can be fixed without the expense and all the trouble, so finger are crossed and prayers are flying madly for a solution.  Chad is doing really good right now.  I am very proud of him b/c he has been working on a few personal things and has been doing so well. 

     Ethan is actually excited to start school.  This absolutely FLOORS me.  He hates school.  I wish I would have kept him home another year and let him be an older one in his class rather than a younger one.  He struggles a bit and I think that this is a big part of it.  The other part is that he has his Dad's attitude and will.  He is a perfectionist to some degree with different things.  He sets himself up to such high standards and if he doesn't PERFECTLY execute something he just flips out and gives up. He shuts down and is like talking to a brick wall.  Natalie on the other hand is the polar opposite.  She is smart naturally.  Ethan is too, it's just that he thinks too much into things.  With Natalie it isn't even a thought.  She tested for Kindergarten and did so well!  So they are going to let her start young.  She can write her whole family's names, does simple math (2+2, 2x2, 4+3 etc).  She can count to 100, count by 10's, spell the whole family's names, knows all colors and almost all shapes.  She knows both of our cell numbers (we don't have a home phone) and she also knows our address and everyone's birthdays! lol.  She just amazes me constantly.  Only thing with her is that she is also a perfectionist.  I noticed this from when she was a baby.  She's meticulous and focuses on fine little things.  Nothing gets past her to be honest.  She is SUCH a drama queen too.  I am pitying the teacher and students the first day that she throws a little crying fit in class.  I know it will happen.  I dread it.  LOL.

     Landon is growing sooo fast.  I can't hardly stand it.  He's soooo so sweet.  He's constantly happy and smiling.  For some reason he has been waking up at night for the last month and I just don't get it.  I took him to the doctor to make sure it wasn't his ears but they checked out fine.  They tell me it's probably teething, but all my children teethed late, and Landon was born a month early so I am guess that it's not that at all.  He doesn't always eat when he gets up, but he does like to be rocked.  I LOVE it when he wants rocked.  I have even been doing that before his naps whether he wants it or not...lol.  I love to sing and hum to him and just hold him.  He smells so sweet and he's so dang soft and squishy.  I love it so much and it goes so fast.  We are not sure if this is our last baby or not.  At first I was positive we were done...but I have always wanted four.  So if life, budget, careers and the like have babies in our future then I will be forever greatful. If not...then I am happy with my kiddies, just they way they are.  I will post pics from the shoot as soon as I can!

Customizing My Blog

     Wow!  It has been a long time since I have posted to my old blog so I cannot remember much of what I did to customize it.  I am sure it will get there sooner or later, but most likely the latter. Does anyone have any good suggestions for cute backgrounds and graphics other than cutest blog on the block?  I am thinking I want something brighter, since I am really wishing for spring. 
     Anyhow there seems to be a lot going on lately with the family.  Mainly I had to return to work this Friday, the 4th.  It wasn't easy at all.  The first night was rough in that I missed Landon so badly, but I didn't get too worked up.  However last night, and my second night back to work I really had a hard time.  Chad and I went to get our taxes filed so Chad's parents, Brian and Deb, came to our house to sit with the kiddies.  So we got that taken care of and then just ran to Wal-Mart very quickly for a few things.  By the time we got home, and I got done making a late lunch, Landon was asleep.  So I pumped (sorry if it's TMI for the male readers, but you'll be hearing it) and by that time I had just a few minutes before I had to leave.  I woke Landon up so that I could feed him myself and for some reason the tears started and then just kept coming.  I was a sobbing mess all the way to work.  My nose was so red and I'm one of those people that when I cry I get big blotches all over my face.  I looked like a mess when I went into work.  :(  I stayed home with Ethan for four months after I had him, and for 2-1/2 years for Natalie, so having only 8 weeks with Landon didn't even feel like I had any time off at all. Anyhow, I get off of work at 8:00 now, so I pretty much beg Chad to try and keep Baby Landon awake so that I can come home and feed him as soon as I get there.  I LOVE feeding him.  It's one of my most favorite joys of having a little one.  Second only to loving, cuddling and squishing them!


Birth Announcement Board in Ft. Wayne

I wanted to share Landon's birth announcement board because I thought it was a pretty good photo.  Back when they started building the new North campus they added this board.  I thought it was such a fantastic idea.  It's so neat to see all the other babies' names and birth weights.  Some babies are so BIG while others are very very tiny.  And if you are ever looking for a baby name, this would be a good place to go and see some very unique ones. :)
     Well Lil Landon will be getting up here in about two hours and I am exhausted.  Landon and I took a little nap together today for about 40 minutes, but it wasn't near enough.  So I'm ready to get off to bed.  Sweet Dreams everyone.

Angie

     

I have had change my blog and start out anew.  So with that said, here is my new one!  I hope you will follow me so that I can be sure to keep you up to date on the latest happenings with the Bailey family. :)  Look forward to many more posts and lots of pictures! 


Love,
Angie