I absolutely CANNOT believe that a year has come and gone, since my little guy was born. Landon was a "suprise blessing". I was focused on nursing school and having just made the LPN program at Ivy Tech, I was over the moon excited to be getting one step closer to being an OB nurse. Even if I still had a ways to go, it felt like i was officially "getting somewhere". Then on Sunday, May 2nd, I found out I was pregnant. SUPRISE! "Howwww could this be?" Okay, I know "how" but really? I was so shocked! I really wasn't expecting to be expecting! We were very excited but it wasn't the most ideal time. However we knew it would be okay.
I cannot remember exactly when, but I think I was around 12 weeks along when I had another ultrasound. This time they found that I had a placenta previa. To make it worse it was laying anteriorly and my OB said that if he were to perform a C-section, it would cut right through the middle of the placenta. This wasn't good news for me, since I had to be a three-peat section. He assured me that 90% of previas usually migrate up the uterus as it grows and stretches and more than likely, it would correct itself by 20 weeks. WEEELLLL, as you guess it, I was one of the 10% that didn't. In fact it didn't even budge. As we got closer to delivery the doctor explained possible scenarios and outcomes and what we should do should the "worst" happen, which is that the placenta would start to pull away from the uterus and hemmorahaging would begin. Dangerous for me, dangerous for the baby.
On Sunday December 5th, 2010 I was watching Desperate Houswives. We had a late Thanksgiving celebration at my Mom's house that afternoon, so we weren't hungry for dinner. So of course right during this time I was hungry again, and decided to have a bowl of cereal. I had just finished my bowl and carried it out to the kitchen sink. I came back to sit down, and just then, sure enough I thought my water broke. Unfortunately I wasn't that lucky, and I was bleeding profusely. I had never been more scared in my life. I don't remember much other than the sheer panic and Chad calling the EMS to come get me. All I kept thinking was how far away my Doctor was, and how far away the hospital was. I was thinking of the snow, the slick roads, and how that was going to make it even longer before I could get to the hospital. I remember Chad being so calm and sweet to both me and the dispatcher. I was a frantic mess but he was so calm. I could tell he was scared, but somehow he kept it together. I think that is just a "man" thing, haha. Anyhow, the ambulance arrived, and they started an IV, hooked me up to a ton of monitors, and then loaded me up and away we went. I remember asking the Paramedic if my baby was going to make it. She wouldn't answer. In fact she wouldn't even look me in the eye. I was so mad at her, because all I wanted was for her to tell me something. Even if she had to lie. I just remember Landon didn't move the whole ride there, which of course sent my panic level through the roof. My in-laws and Mom came to the hospital right away, and my brother and sister-in-law came to sit with the kids. All I could think about was them too. I guess they woke up with all the noise and had heard most of it. To this day Ethan is still afraid of losing his little brother. Poor guy!
Once we made it to the hospital they called my Dr. and an anesthesiologist came in and was going through procedure and before I knew it they were prepping me for surgery. I was in denial I guess because I really thought that they were going to try to stop the bleeding and keep Landon in a bit longer. I was only 36 weeks along to the day, so I got so nervous b/c I wasn't prepared in the slightest. Not mentally, not physically. The only think I had on LITERALLY when they took me in was a bra and a cami! We didn't have a camera, or my phone, or my purse, glasses, a coat, not even slippers or socks. I was so scared. The anesthesiologist wanted to put me to sleep but my Dr. wanted to keep me awake. They both argued and then left it up to me. I guess because of the blood loss, I would run a higher risk of my blood pressure dropping because of the spinal block, and then they would have to put me to sleep and intubate me that way or wait until I passed out due to low BP. But my Dr. knew how much I wanted to be awake so he fought for me. In the end I got to be awake, my BP was low and I was dizzy, but I was completely coherent and I got to hear and see everything. It was AMAZING! I can't believe how well everything went despite all the "drama" before hand. The call to the ambulance was placed around 9:15-9:20pm on Sunday, December 5th. And then little Landon Ryan was born at 12:32am on Monday, December 6th. He was my smallest baby by far, but for being a month early, he was 6lbs. 15oz. That is a WONDERFUL weight! The NICU Doctor said if he were born at term he would have easily been 10 to 10.5 lbs! Can you imagine? YIKES! LOL...
I got to have Landon right away in the recovery room. Then they took his blood sugar only to find that it was only two points away from critical. So, we had to feed him formula and the NICU took him. I was so upset b/c they didn't know how long he would be there. So, once recovery was done, they took me to my room, got me situated and then I told them to get me the wheelchair. I was going to get out of bed to go see him. The nurse was like, "Ummmm...you just had your section about two hours ago. Are you sure?" and I was like, "If you don't let me see my baby, I will bug you guys all night, until I can." LOL. So they put me in the wheelchair, I pushed my IV pole, the nurse pushed me, and off I went to go see my baby. :) The wires were intimidating. It was somewhat of a juggling act to get to hold him. But I knew how much this contact would help him (and me). So, we snuggled as long as we could. It was about 5 in the am, and the nurse came down saying that my postpartum nurse was ready to get my vitals and that I had to go back to the room. I was so upset, but my feet had blown up like marshmallows, and I knew it was time to try to get some rest.
He was in the NICU for 12 hours. It felt like an eternity, but that is a blink of an eye compared to what some parents have to endure. So, I held my son and counted my blessings.
Landon has brought so much joy to our lives. We always wanted one more baby, but we had no idea when that would happen. Turns out God knew best, and what would work best for us. I never ever doubt Him or His timing. My life is so full and complete and wonderful. My days are chaotic, busy, and a blurr. My nights are sometimes sleepless, and time for myself is NON EXISTANT. But I have also realized, that I wouldn't want it any other way. I never ever would need for another thing in my life, so long as I have my children. Ethan, Natalie and Landon are each so special, and wonderful in their own way. How a heart can stretch and love like this, I completely don't know. But I do know that the love and compassion felt by a Mother just can't be beat. Life is good, and I am SO THANKFUL to be called "Mama".