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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Happy 1st Birthday My Sweet Baby Landon!

     I absolutely CANNOT believe that a year has come and gone, since my little guy was born.  Landon was a "suprise blessing".  I was focused on nursing school and having just made the LPN program at Ivy Tech, I was over the moon excited to be getting one step closer to being an OB nurse.  Even if I still had a ways to go, it felt like i was officially "getting somewhere".  Then on Sunday, May 2nd, I found out I was pregnant.  SUPRISE!  "Howwww could this be?"  Okay, I know "how" but really? I was so shocked!  I really wasn't expecting to be expecting! We were very excited but it wasn't the most ideal time.  However we knew it would be okay.
     I cannot remember exactly when, but I think I was around 12 weeks along when I had another ultrasound.  This time they found that I had a placenta previa.  To make it worse it was laying anteriorly and my OB said that if he were to perform a C-section, it would cut right through the middle of the placenta.  This wasn't good news for me, since I had to be a three-peat section.  He assured me that 90% of previas usually migrate up the uterus as it grows and stretches and more than likely, it would correct itself by 20 weeks.  WEEELLLL, as you guess it, I was one of the 10% that didn't.  In fact it didn't even budge.  As we got closer to delivery the doctor explained possible scenarios and outcomes and what we should do should the "worst" happen, which is that the placenta would start to pull away from the uterus and hemmorahaging would begin.  Dangerous for me, dangerous for the baby.   
     On Sunday December 5th, 2010 I was watching Desperate Houswives.  We had a late Thanksgiving celebration at my Mom's house that afternoon, so we weren't hungry for dinner.  So of course right during this time I was hungry again, and decided to have a bowl of cereal.  I had just finished my bowl and carried it out to the kitchen sink.  I came back to sit down, and just then, sure enough I thought my water broke.  Unfortunately I wasn't that lucky, and I was bleeding profusely.  I had never been more scared in my life.  I don't remember much other than the sheer panic and Chad calling the EMS to come get me.  All I kept thinking was how far away my Doctor was, and how far away the hospital was.  I was thinking of the snow, the slick roads, and how that was going to make it even longer before I could get to the hospital.  I remember Chad being so calm and sweet to both me and the dispatcher.  I was a frantic mess but he was so calm.  I could tell he was scared, but somehow he kept it together.  I think that is just a "man" thing, haha.  Anyhow, the ambulance arrived, and they started an IV, hooked me up to a ton of monitors, and then loaded me up and away we went.  I remember asking the Paramedic if my baby was going to make it.  She wouldn't answer.  In fact she wouldn't even look me in the eye.  I was so mad at her, because all I wanted was for her to tell me something.  Even if she had to lie.  I just remember Landon didn't move the whole ride there, which of course sent my panic level through the roof.  My in-laws and Mom came to the hospital right away, and my brother and sister-in-law came to sit with the kids.  All I could think about was them too.  I guess they woke up with all the noise and had heard most of it.  To this day Ethan is still afraid of losing his little brother.  Poor guy!
     Once we made it to the hospital they called my Dr. and an anesthesiologist came in and was going through procedure and before I knew it they were prepping me for surgery.  I was in denial I guess because I really thought that they were going to try to stop the bleeding and keep Landon in a bit longer.  I was only 36 weeks along to the day, so I got so nervous b/c I wasn't prepared in the slightest.  Not mentally, not physically.  The only think I had on LITERALLY when they took me in was a bra and a cami!  We didn't have a camera, or my phone, or my purse, glasses, a coat, not even slippers or socks.  I was so scared.  The anesthesiologist wanted to put me to sleep but my Dr. wanted to keep me awake.  They both argued and then left it up to me.  I guess because of the blood loss, I would run a higher risk of my blood pressure dropping because of the spinal block, and then they would have to put me to sleep and intubate me that way or wait until I passed out due to low BP.  But my Dr. knew how much I wanted to be awake so he fought for me.  In the end I got to be awake, my BP was low and I was dizzy, but I was completely coherent and I got to hear and see everything.  It was AMAZING!  I can't believe how well everything went despite all the "drama" before hand.  The call to the ambulance was placed around 9:15-9:20pm on Sunday, December 5th.  And then little Landon Ryan was born at 12:32am on Monday, December 6th.  He was my smallest baby by far, but for being a month early, he was 6lbs. 15oz.  That is a WONDERFUL weight!  The NICU Doctor said if he were born at term he would have easily been 10 to 10.5 lbs!  Can you imagine?  YIKES! LOL...
     I got to have Landon right away in the recovery room.  Then they took his blood sugar only to find that it was only two points away from critical.  So, we had to feed him formula and the NICU took him.  I was so upset b/c they didn't know how long he would be there.  So, once recovery was done, they took me to my room, got me situated and then I told them to get me the wheelchair.  I was going to get out of bed to go see him.  The nurse was like, " just had your section about two hours ago.  Are you sure?" and I was like, "If you don't let me see my baby, I will bug you guys all night, until I can." LOL.  So they put me in the wheelchair, I pushed my IV pole, the nurse pushed me, and off I went to go see my baby.  :)  The wires were intimidating.  It was somewhat of a juggling act to get to hold him.  But I knew how much this contact would help him (and me).  So, we snuggled as long as we could.  It was about 5 in the am, and the nurse came down saying that my postpartum nurse was ready to get my vitals and that I had to go back to the room.  I was so upset, but my feet had blown up like marshmallows, and I knew it was time to try to get some rest.
 He was in the NICU for 12 hours.  It felt like an eternity, but that is a blink of an eye compared to what some parents have to endure.  So, I held my son and counted my blessings.  
     Landon has brought so much joy to our lives.  We always wanted one more baby, but we had no idea when that would happen.  Turns out God knew best, and what would work best for us.  I never ever doubt Him or His timing.  My life is so full and complete and wonderful.  My days are chaotic, busy, and a blurr.  My nights are sometimes sleepless, and time for myself is NON EXISTANT.  But I have also realized, that I wouldn't want it any other way.  I never ever would need for another thing in my life, so long as I have my children.  Ethan, Natalie and Landon are each so special, and wonderful in their own way.  How a heart can stretch and love like this, I completely don't know.  But I do know that the love and compassion felt by a Mother just can't be beat.  Life is good, and I am SO THANKFUL to be called "Mama". 

Friday, September 2, 2011


Here lately I have been really questioning whether or not I want to continue nursing school.  I feel that being a mother is definitely my calling.  BUT, I want to be a nurse for so many reasons.  I want to make a difference in someone's life.  I want to take care of people, and nurture them and help them grow, get well, or even pass on peacefully.  I want someone to say, "Hey! That nurse of mine really took good care of me".  However, working in dietary and now working the position that I do (Hospitality Associate), I have direct patient interaction.  I serve everyone their meals, and if they need help, I open things or assist (only to a small degree) with helping them get situated and making sure they are comfortable for their meal.  Anyhow, I met a man that had been given three weeks to live.  You start to become somewhat close to these people as you find out more and more about them as the time passes.  And I can say that you definitely learn a lot from a patient, especially if you stop to see life through their eyes.  Each and every person I take care of, I try to put myself in their shoes.  I try to help them, the way I would want to be helped if I were in their situation. 
     Anyhow, so I got used to this man.  He is what we call a "frequent flyer". He had been there many times before.  When I got the news that he wasn't going to be here much longer, I knew right then that I wanted to do everything I could to make EVERY MOMENT that he had to be stuck there, the VERY BEST that it could be.  So if I was working, I was going to do what it took to make him as happy as I could.  The sad part about my job is that I don't know what happens to people after they are discharged home or to a nursing facility, or hospice etc.  But I had a moment alone in the room with that man and we had been talking throughout the few days I had taken care of him, but the last night I saw him he told me he was going home.  I looked at him, eyebrow raised.  He told me they were going to let him go.  I told him I was gonna miss giving him a hard time about how much he was eating for such a skinny guy and he laughed and he said to me, "You never know, maybe I'll see you again on the streets someday."  I knew darn well that this was most likely not going to happen, but I shook my head and agreed.  I walked out of there and haven't heard a thing of him since.  I know that he is probably at this point doing poorly.  For some reason this guy toched me in a way that made me so happy that even though I"m not a nurse, I could help him in different ways.  He was always excited to see me when I brought food, because food usually is the best part of a patients' stay.  It breaks my heart to think that he might not be here on this Earth anymore.  BUT I'm okay with knowing that for whatever reason, we were supposed to meet and know each other.  He is the type of person that I WANT to be a nurse for! 
     However, there was a patient that was a DNR.  They were having a hard time breathing but they declined rapidly just in that hour that I brought their dinner and then cleared their tray.  I was so worried about them.  They were struggling to breath and grasping at the air and writhing in their bed.  They had oxygen on, they were being taken care of so well.  The nurses were on top of checking them too, but there was only so much they could do, due to respecting their wishes.  It killed me to know that this person was suffering, and that was the way they wanted it.  They wanted no medical intervention whatsoever.  And of course there is nothing you can do about it, so for the first time ever, I got scared.  I just wanted to run away.  The look in this person's eyes scared me to my soul.  I just didn't want to have to think that someone had to suffer.  Or that this was how it had to be.  I felt like someone should be there.  And what stinks the most about it all is that there are so many people that don't have family, or no one wants to be there when they are in the hospital.  But the minute that that person passes away there are droves of them.  I mean come on, you didn't care to come visit once when the person was alive, but now that they are gone you want to make it a big scene?  Nurses can't sit down and just hang out next to a person, but there has to be a way or something that can be done that when a person is nearing the end that SOMEONE could be there.  I mean how awful!  I just don't know if I am cut out to be a nurse.  I mean honestly, I could handle someone messing themselves, or throwing up, hacking up phlem, blood, guts, etc.  But I am not sure I could handle suffering.  Death is part of life.  I'm not saying I like it, but I get it.  It's just something that no one can avoid.  But why suffering?  I pray to God that I never have to suffer, and even more than my children and family never have to suffer.  My prefferred area of nursing that I want to focus on is OB, Labor & Delivery...Something/Anything to do with maternal and/or baby care.  But I want so bad to make a difference in peoples lives that are suffering.  I feel like I need to save them all and of course thats not going to happen.  It's not even rational.  I don't know why I felt like typing all this out.  A lot of people most likely wont want to read this.  BUT I had to get it off my chest and hey, Blogger is a perfect place for it, right?  I have a lot of nurse friends on FB, so what do you guys think?  What about the rest of you?  I just can't make up my mind whether I should continue nursing or not.  I just can't stand suffering.  :( 

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Giggleface :)

     Yep.  I'm pretty sure that I couldn't be any happier than I am with our family photos.  They turned out great.  I hope everyone got a chance to see them.  These photos are by Chelsea Rittenhouse, and her business in "Giggleface Photography".  How could you not want to have your pictures taken by someone with a business name of Giggleface?  It's too sweet!  We had our pics taken on the 14th, and then not even a week later I had my photo disc in hand and a preview was up even before that!  I must have checked her blog for the preview of our shoot a million times, because I wasn't being very productive around the  We went to Gene Stratton Porter for the shoot and ended up having a great time.  Ethan and Natalie spent a lot of time barefoot with their feet in the water and a natural spring there.  Their feet were filthy, but I loved that they were having so much fun!  Chad hates having his picture taken, but he even did really good!  Chelsea captured some of the sweetest photos of Chad with the kids.  Here are my favorites:

     I love how happy Chad was to have these photos done.  I think he had just as much fun as I did, although he would never admit it!   Here are my favorite photos: 

     I want to write more but I am sooo tired. So i'm headed off to bed, but I will follow up with more later. :)  Goodnight!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I'm So EXCITED!!!!!!!!!

I know it's been awhile since i've written, but here lately I have actually been finding a little bit more time in my evenings to sit down and spend a little quiet time as I wish.  (Yay!)  So, remember the old Pointer Sisters' song, "I'm So Excited"?  Well that's EXACTLY how I am right now!  I am so excited and I just can't hide it! Back when I had Ethan, I was SOOOO good about getting his photos taken...(Newborn, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 1 year, 18 months etc).  We even had a family picture taken at 18 months! Well then Miss Natalie came along, and I did pretty good until 2009.  I don't know if it was just time constraints, money at the time, or what exactly but I haven't followed up with photos.  Now Landon is 8 months old and I haven't gotten any professional photos of Landon, other than his birth photos.  And the funny thing of it all, is that all the pictures I got before, I "thought" were professional. I had no CLUE that photos could look as good as I know these will turn out!!!!  Chelsea Rittenhouse, "GiggleFace Photography" is our photographer.  I am so excited because these are going to be complete family portraits.  We haven't had any since DECEMBER of 2003!!!!!  That is soooo wrong! LOL.  Our shoot is set up for this Sunday, and I definitley decided that we are not going to match at all.  In fact, I don't even know what we are wearing yet, other than the fact that Landon is going to be wearing a super cute onesie that he got from his Aunt Meme...that was actually Jaxson's when he was little.  I loved it so much that I HAD TO HAVE IT!  Can't wait for you all to see it. :) 
     Things are going pretty good here at the Bailey household.  We are having an issue with our septic and it looks like we might be putting a new septic tank in....I'm praying that this problem can be fixed without the expense and all the trouble, so finger are crossed and prayers are flying madly for a solution.  Chad is doing really good right now.  I am very proud of him b/c he has been working on a few personal things and has been doing so well. 
     Ethan is actually excited to start school.  This absolutely FLOORS me.  He hates school.  I wish I would have kept him home another year and let him be an older one in his class rather than a younger one.  He struggles a bit and I think that this is a big part of it.  The other part is that he has his Dad's attitude and will.  He is a perfectionist to some degree with different things.  He sets himself up to such high standards and if he doesn't PERFECTLY execute something he just flips out and gives up. He shuts down and is like talking to a brick wall.  Natalie on the other hand is the polar opposite.  She is smart naturally.  Ethan is too, it's just that he thinks too much into things.  With Natalie it isn't even a thought.  She tested for Kindergarten and did so well!  So they are going to let her start young.  She can write her whole family's names, does simple math (2+2, 2x2, 4+3 etc).  She can count to 100, count by 10's, spell the whole family's names, knows all colors and almost all shapes.  She knows both of our cell numbers (we don't have a home phone) and she also knows our address and everyone's birthdays! lol.  She just amazes me constantly.  Only thing with her is that she is also a perfectionist.  I noticed this from when she was a baby.  She's meticulous and focuses on fine little things.  Nothing gets past her to be honest.  She is SUCH a drama queen too.  I am pitying the teacher and students the first day that she throws a little crying fit in class.  I know it will happen.  I dread it.  LOL.

     Landon is growing sooo fast.  I can't hardly stand it.  He's soooo so sweet.  He's constantly happy and smiling.  For some reason he has been waking up at night for the last month and I just don't get it.  I took him to the doctor to make sure it wasn't his ears but they checked out fine.  They tell me it's probably teething, but all my children teethed late, and Landon was born a month early so I am guess that it's not that at all.  He doesn't always eat when he gets up, but he does like to be rocked.  I LOVE it when he wants rocked.  I have even been doing that before his naps whether he wants it or  I love to sing and hum to him and just hold him.  He smells so sweet and he's so dang soft and squishy.  I love it so much and it goes so fast.  We are not sure if this is our last baby or not.  At first I was positive we were done...but I have always wanted four.  So if life, budget, careers and the like have babies in our future then I will be forever greatful. If not...then I am happy with my kiddies, just they way they are.  I will post pics from the shoot as soon as I can!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Customizing My Blog

     Wow!  It has been a long time since I have posted to my old blog so I cannot remember much of what I did to customize it.  I am sure it will get there sooner or later, but most likely the latter. Does anyone have any good suggestions for cute backgrounds and graphics other than cutest blog on the block?  I am thinking I want something brighter, since I am really wishing for spring. 
     Anyhow there seems to be a lot going on lately with the family.  Mainly I had to return to work this Friday, the 4th.  It wasn't easy at all.  The first night was rough in that I missed Landon so badly, but I didn't get too worked up.  However last night, and my second night back to work I really had a hard time.  Chad and I went to get our taxes filed so Chad's parents, Brian and Deb, came to our house to sit with the kiddies.  So we got that taken care of and then just ran to Wal-Mart very quickly for a few things.  By the time we got home, and I got done making a late lunch, Landon was asleep.  So I pumped (sorry if it's TMI for the male readers, but you'll be hearing it) and by that time I had just a few minutes before I had to leave.  I woke Landon up so that I could feed him myself and for some reason the tears started and then just kept coming.  I was a sobbing mess all the way to work.  My nose was so red and I'm one of those people that when I cry I get big blotches all over my face.  I looked like a mess when I went into work.  :(  I stayed home with Ethan for four months after I had him, and for 2-1/2 years for Natalie, so having only 8 weeks with Landon didn't even feel like I had any time off at all. Anyhow, I get off of work at 8:00 now, so I pretty much beg Chad to try and keep Baby Landon awake so that I can come home and feed him as soon as I get there.  I LOVE feeding him.  It's one of my most favorite joys of having a little one.  Second only to loving, cuddling and squishing them!

Birth Announcement Board in Ft. Wayne

I wanted to share Landon's birth announcement board because I thought it was a pretty good photo.  Back when they started building the new North campus they added this board.  I thought it was such a fantastic idea.  It's so neat to see all the other babies' names and birth weights.  Some babies are so BIG while others are very very tiny.  And if you are ever looking for a baby name, this would be a good place to go and see some very unique ones. :)
     Well Lil Landon will be getting up here in about two hours and I am exhausted.  Landon and I took a little nap together today for about 40 minutes, but it wasn't near enough.  So I'm ready to get off to bed.  Sweet Dreams everyone.


Monday, January 31, 2011

I have had change my blog and start out anew.  So with that said, here is my new one!  I hope you will follow me so that I can be sure to keep you up to date on the latest happenings with the Bailey family. :)  Look forward to many more posts and lots of pictures!